Befriending the Aging Process is a trauma-informed approach to exploring, resolving, and integrating anger and fear about aging.
This trauma-informed approach is especially useful when feeling marginalized and / or isolated because of age.
A trauma-informed approach to aging includes:
Creating and practising thought-and-action habits to support agency and self-efficacy regardless of age and physical condition, and . . .
learning and practising self- and co-regulating techniques to soothe in-the-moment fears in order to identify the gifts and strengths of the aging process.
Befriending the “guardians” that manifest as resistance to addressing our negative expectations about aging means we replace an adversarial approach to resistance with a co-operative approach.
Instead of fighting resistance by denying or cursing it, we work with resistance by becoming friendly and curious.
Asking, in a kindly and concerned way,
“I wonder what purpose this resistance to changing my attitude to and beliefs about aging serves?”
opens us to a world of creative responses.
Keeping track of responses in a journal using a cursive writing practice is an indispensible tool in befriending and transforming the resistance that keeps us fearful or angry about aging.
Here in western culture, we can’t help but absorb the commericial messages emphasizing all the things that can and do affect us as we age. What we see far less frequently are the examples of the resourcefulness many older adults develop to address their aging challenges. Yes, drugs are helpful in reducing joint pain and high blood pressure and in managing macular degeneration. But so are our intuitive responses to self care.
For example, speaking with painful or tired parts of the body, moving our warm healing hands over these parts, and writing our reflections about this process specifically and aging generally, support a caring rather than a punitive approach.
This caring approach is similar to the loving and kind responses we show to our Beloved human and animal companions when they are suffering. Seeing the body as a loving companion and partner begins an expansive relationship journey that proves both healing and revelatory.
To learn more tools to bring to the befriending process for aging and any emotionally charged issues, you may find Adverse Childhood Experiences, Adult Trauma, and the Return to Wholeness a valuable companion for your aging journey. It is available on amazon.ca and .com or through order at your local bookstores.
I created this short, useful book for anyone meeting the challenges of trauma reactivity, regardless of the trauma’s source. Trauma happens at every age and stage of life; we sometimes call it stress or simply life. But sleepless nights, deep sadness, and feelings of isolation can be remedied in part by daily attention and the loving kindness we all deserve.
We often look outside ourselves for this attention – to family members, our spiritual communities, and professionals. However, we too can beceome a vital part of this circle of care. Developing a loving relationship with ourselves often becomes the one thing that makes each day more meaningful and even joyful. The rewards for this relationship with self/Self include physical relief, emotional peace, intellectual understanding, and spiritual connection.
Finally, it helps to remember that in our anti-aging culture, becoming old can be a traumatic experience that reactivates any unhealed traumas we experienced when younger. Any tools we learn to support healthy, resourced, and joyful aging, often help to resolve earlier issues that may ask for our attention.
Should you find Adverse Childhood Experiences . . ., useful for aging and other issues that unsettle, please reach out. For many of us, online communities of care are becoming vitial sources of comfort where we can see and be seen by those sharing similar challenges and opportunities for growth. If you would like to be part of a Return to Wholeness group, I invite you to reach out through my Winter Blooms email: jane@winterbloom.net
Thanks for visiting Winter Blooms.
If you like the tone and content of Winter Blooms, please share. We all need more creative “work-arounds” as we navigate these very challenging times.
with Peace and Comfort
Jane