Engagement: One of the Secrets of Happiness

Please Note:  Winter Blooms is an educational website in no way meant to replace building a relationship with a trained EFT practitioner, counselor, or therapist.  To find an EFT Practitioner, visit the AAMET website, the ACEP website, the EFT Universe website, the Tapping Solution website, or contact Jane for EFT coaching support.

When meeting with a client for the first time, I make a point of asking what he or she cares about.  The deepest answers to this question require reflection, a very special kind of engagement with the self that involves tuning into one’s subtlest feelings and desires.  Because many of us grow up in homes where we were given little time for reflection and where what we cared about was never considered important, we often find getting in touch with our deepest feelings a challenging task.  Collectively and individually we continue to evolve away from punitive authoritarian times, those days when man/father/priest was supposed to know best and was to be obeyed, no matter what; in our current culture, each of us has the responsibility to become our own authority.  This means engaging with the Self in highly rewarding ways.

The Ascendancy of Respect

The loosening of the authoritarian approach – in the family, in education, in politics, and in religion – is bringing about a far more respectful way of treating all human beings.  For example, in a growing number of North American families, fathers and mothers are given equal respect and children are encouraged to participate in all aspects of family life and to express themselves fully.  These changes are a manifestation of evolving essential human rights and responsibilities.  At this point, these changes are not universal; nor are they valued by all social groups.  Because these shifts come gradually and depend upon the willingness of individuals in our social groups to change, many of us in our forties, fifties, and beyond still struggle with the right to be or to become our truest selves.  EFT is an effective tool to support Self Realization or, in Jungian terms, Self Actualization.

Signs of a Lack of Engagement with the Self

One of the first signs of a lack of engagement with the self is confusion regarding one’s purpose or reason for being on the planet.  People who constantly search for a purpose or for some justification for being alive often have experienced authoritarian parenting styles that robbed them of a sense of worthiness when young.  Sometimes simply tapping on “I don’t have a clue who I am or why I’m here,” is a fertile place to begin the work of engaging with the self.  Sometimes, a round of forgiveness for unhealthy family dynamics is useful.  Tapping on one generation of parents repeating another generation of  parents patterns is useful because it extends understanding and compassion to current and previous generations.  It is rare to discover families who intend mischief; what is far more common is the passing on of beliefs and patterns of behaviour that once served the group or tribe down through subsequent generations.  Transforming these patterns and beliefs through personal work brings peace to the individual and his or her line.

Tapping on Uniqueness and Safety

When undertaking the work of engaging with the self it is helpful to do several rounds of tapping on personal uniqueness.  A simple phrase such as, “It’s okay to be me even if I’m not sure who I am yet,” is a great place to start.  Following this round with focus on personal tastes and preferences provides a deepening of the process:  “I’m fine the way I am.  I don’t have to be exactly like anyone else.  I have unique gifts and strengths.  I’m here to make a positive difference, regardless of my family background.  This is my birthright.  I get to be me.  And if I don’t quite know what that means yet, I can find out.  I know I’m creative and sensitive because this is every human’s birthright.  It’s my right to discover and express my unique self.  It’s safe for me to do so, no matter what I learned when I was young.”

Get Professional Help If . . .

If this work triggers sadness that does not lift in a reasonable amount of time – a few days at most – then an EFT practitioner or life coach would be a useful partner in untangling the knots that are preventing deepening engagement with the self.  Remember, developing, knowing, and expressing the Self is everyone’s right.  We all have the right to feel joy at simply knowing and sharing our personal gifts.  One of the many truly exciting consequences of engagement with the Self is the way it facilitates meaningful engagement with others.   We all have relationships, but relationships that are respectful and nurturing provide the juice that makes living worthwhile.

If you feel a lack of joy and direction in your life, begin this process of engagement with the Self.  Invest in a journal to record those conversations with your deepest, highest Self.  Trust your instincts; follow your feelings.  If you find yourself weeping over news stories about racism, get involved in the Black Lives Matter movement in your community.  If it is Flint’s water crisis that most affects you, then join your community’s Water Warriors to add your strength and resourcefulness to the Water Protection movement.  Wherever your heart is, that is where your truest Self lies.

A life of service in line with our highest values is a well lived life.  The first step to crafting such a life involves engaging with the Self and our heart’s desires.  This is a life it is never too late to craft.   Its rewards are many, and one of the biggest rewards is personal happiness, something we all deserve.

Until next week



Jane Buchan, MA, AAMET Advanced Practitioner, jane@winterblooms.net, 802-533-9277

Jane is a Learning Coach specializing in neutralizing cultural age, gender, and race constructs to support learners of every age.  To engage her coaching services, please contact Jane by phone (802) 533-9277 or email, jane@winterblooms.net.  Be sure to put Coaching Query in the subject line.