Loss and Pain

Please Note:  Winter Blooms is an educational website in no way meant to replace building a relationship with a trained EFT practitioner, counselor, or therapist.  To find an EFT Practitioner, visit the AAMET website, the Gary Craig website, the EFT Universe website, the Tapping Solution website, or contact Jane for EFT coaching support.

In the northern hemisphere as we enter the ninth month of the year themes of loss abound.  Although at this point the changes in colour are subtle, we know in our bones that slowly but surely we are losing our connection to the Earth’s green mantle, the vibrant quilting of plants, shrubs, and trees that makes us feel good to be alive whenever we take a walk down a treed street or set off for a taste of the wild on hikes in the woods.  The season of autumn, so poetically called fall, impacts us in profound ways because it mirrors the many personal, community, and world losses we are experiencing each day.  EFT, when used as a daily comfort tool, can help us to navigate the transition into this season of loss by helping us to lessen the physical and emotional pain that often accompanies this change in the seasons.

Tapping for Physical Pain

Frequently as we age old injuries flare with this seasonal change into muted colours and cooling temperatures.  Tapping through the points as we tell the specific story of the injury is one way to honour an old wound and make sacred its voice in the body.  Living through life’s challenges and joys means creating a unique physical experience that can sometimes stop the breath with a sudden twinge or longer scream of pain.  Acknowledging this pain with a couple of rounds of truth telling that include regret, rage, or any of the other emotional consequences of injury creates the very beneficial habit of body listening, for with this attention, we are acknowledging who we truly are.  Following truth telling tapping rounds with expressions of gratitude is a beautiful way to complete this sacred work, especially when we include in-the-moment feelings.  Expressions such as “I love my hands for all the useful activities they accomplish throughout the day / I love my hands because of all the love they’ve expressed through my lifetime,” helps to balance whatever pain may express through them.

Tapping for Emotional Pain

Seasonal endings often remind us of the personal losses we have endured and, if we are plugged in to the world, the losses our brothers and sisters here at home and throughout the world are enduring in every moment.  Tapping for wishing things were otherwise is a very human and helpful thing to do since this is the truth of our experience.  Only people who have done their best to shut down their emotions have few or no regrets.  The rest of us, we who do our very best to value our emotional lives – because these make us human – are bound to have regrets from time to time.  Tapping, rather than acting out, can help to soothe these regrets and even bring us to a place of transformation as we tap through our feelings.

For example, regretting the passing of loved ones can pull us into a deep depression if we do not find a way to honour our deep grief and undercurrents of anger each day.  Tapping the truth of our feelings acts as a release valve.  Tapping through the points as we say,   “I miss you . . . I hate that you’re not here with me . . . I hate that your life was cut short . . . I hate the injustice of this situation . . . I hurt so much it is hard to breathe . . . sometimes I want to hurt myself . . . sometimes I want to hurt others . . . sometimes the world seems so senseless . . . sometimes losing you feels unbearable . . . ,” helps to release blocked energy and calm our agitation.

Let us never forget:  grief, rage, and love require outlets for expression.  Light a candle, keep the tissues close by, and invite the emotions to flow in order to release the tense, pent-up energies that are the natural consequence of stuffing our feelings.  This freed energy can then be put to use in many creative healing ways.  Following such tapping rounds with a healing blessing helps to bring a feeling of completion to the moment.  Such a tapping round might include,  “I know this life is made up of joy and sorrow.  I know love goes on even when the body is no longer with us.  I know you feel my love for you.  I know we are always connected.  I know we’ll get through this somehow.”  Saying the words “I know” may be challenging.  When this expression feels wrong in the moment, we can say, “Some small, almost silent part of me knows . . . ,” to honour both our need for honesty and our need for peace.

Permission to Need

Many of us were brought up in families where needing anything (including a comforting talk and a reassuring hug), was thought of as a sign of weakness.    One of our primary responsibilities – and joys – as we mature and ripen into loving human beings is to plumb our own depths in order to meet our own needs.  Often this need-retrieval process brings with it huge waves of understanding for the people who seemed not to know how to nurture us.  “Oh,” we exclaim as the insights cascade into our consciousness, “they couldn’t meet my needs because they never learned to meet their own.”  Shifting from blaming (even hating) our personal family members to deepening our connection to the cultural pressures that cause unloving relationships is a profoundly freeing experience.  I wish that for you as you use EFT to comfort yourself daily through this season of loss; as we each tap separately, we make life on our shared home more loving for all.

Until next week



Jane Buchan, MA, AAMET Advanced Practitioner, jane@winterblooms.net, 802-533-9277

Jane is a Learning Coach specializing in neutralizing cultural age, gender, and race constructs to support learners of every age.  To engage her coaching services, please contact Jane by phone (802) 533-9277 or email, jane@winterblooms.net.  Be sure to put Coaching Query in the subject line.