Please Note: Winter Blooms is an educational website in no way meant to replace building a relationship with a trained EFT practitioner, counselor, or therapist. To find an EFT Practitioner, visit the AAMET website, the ACEP website, the EFT Universe website, the Tapping Solution website, or contact Jane for EFT coaching support.
This time of year, many of us feel the anguish of being alone, not because our solitude is painful or undesirable or the result of accident rather than choice, but because our materialistic, ad-driven culture emphasizes family connections in its hard-sell of goods that bespeak waste, environmental degradation, and the conflation of need and desire. Linking these goods to a return of Light is an irony hard to miss. The altruism of giving, something naturally linked to the celebratory feelings of Illumination and Rebirth, is nowhere more evident than it is at this time of year despite the commercialization of our lives. Tapping can help to calm our frustration and helplessness in the face of rampant consumerism and at the same time help us to feel connected to the energies of Regeneration that are so potent as we begin our slow journey into
Speaking Up When Put Down
Many times family members can say the most insensitive things regarding our single status. When they do, responding clearly with, “Being single is as valid as being coupled; this is my choice because I prefer to live alone,” can shock, but it can also teach. Most of us are living our days unconsciously, absently listening to jingles and sentimental pop songs about relationships that only exists on Hollywood sets. Family relationships and friendships are messy, unsentimental experiments in human evolution. Speaking kindly but assertively can shift participants from building resentment to building understanding.
Assertiveness is a special kind of language. When I teach this practice to students and clients, I always use the adjective “clean” when describing this way of communicating with others. When we speak assertively we take responsibility for our own feelings, use “I” statements, and speak our truth without venom. It is a liberating experience and a transforming one. Someone who asks when we’re going to get married and is told, “I choose not to marry; I love my single life,” is unlikely to take offense because we mean none. We are simply stating a truth. Assertive language is liberating and community building. Assertive language actually helps even the most estranged people meet on common ground.
Setting Your Agenda and Owning Your “Stuff”
After the decision to speak up has been made, it is important to clear all resentment from our bodymind system. Asking the question, “Do I want to connect or do I want to punish?” is helpful here. If we want to punish, our language is often retaliatory and punitive. Connecting requires the “clean” language of assertiveness; it has no agenda beyond communicating ideas to promote authenticity and respect.
Tapping on, “Just how mad at ____________ am I for assuming I’m defective because I am single (or working at ___________, or not working, or divorced, or taking Ballroom Dancing, or . . . this list, sadly, is literally endless)?” is a great place to begin. Whatever feelings of sadness, disappointment, alienation, and even despair and rage come up, tap on these. This practice ensures an energy cleanse, one that makes formulating responses to insensitive questions emotionally neutral. And emotional neutrality in the face of insensitivity is a wondrously rare and highly desirable character trait at this time of year. Far too many of us have “hot buttons” that jeopardize our chances of creating civil discourse together. Cleaning up our own part in potential or actual skirmishes raises the level of communication for everyone.
Depersonalizing the Anguish
Because this season in the west has become the biggest retail business in history, we are not only diminished by insensitive family members, but also by the corporately crafted, highly lucrative commercialism designed to make us feel inadequate sexually, ugly physically, and deprived materially unless we buy the latest X, or Y, or Z. Recognizing that this wasteful and corrupting corporate feeding frenzy is a culturally produced phenomenon conveyed through the media saturation we live within will protect us from the assault of discontent the advertising media cause.
Tapping for clarity regarding the difference between need and desire is a practice that brings insight and the motivation to unplug from unnecessary commercial noise. Tapping for wisdom regarding how to replace destructive habits with constructive, life affirming patterns of behaviour leads us to find communities we would otherwise neglect. Many people have discovered the joy of giving service rather than unnecessary goods and many more have crafted meaningful connections to the network of advocates for food security, family safety, and affordable housing.
Tapping brings the much needed perspective to craft meaningful lives. Using assertive language and depersonalizing the commercially produced psychic attacks on our well being help us to nurture ourselves and others. This personal work is the high tide that raises all boats. May we be caught up in the mystery of this Winter season of introspection and deep rest, and may our hearts feel a profound Love for our Dance into Peace and Understanding with ourselves and with others.
Until next week
Jane Buchan, MA, AAMET Advanced Practitioner, email@example.com, 802-533-9277
Jane is a Learning Coach specializing in neutralizing cultural age, gender, and race constructs to support learners of every age. To engage her coaching services, please contact Jane by phone (802) 533-9277 or email, firstname.lastname@example.org. Be sure to put Coaching Query in the subject line.