Most of us live in a world of group dynamics, whether at the family dinner table, in the conference room, or in the lunchroom. In our relationships, conflict often feels inevitable as people function with too little sleep, poor nutritional choices, differing values, and even open hostility emanating from unhealed wounds. As unlikely as it sounds, we can harmonize these energies with a tapping partner or on our own. Tapping to harmonize relationships is a very exciting process to initiate and experience, especially as it flowers and bears fruit.
An increasingly global perspective is perhaps one of the most consistent gifts of the aging process. Early in our lives, we generally come from our personal point of view, often assuming others hold identical family-of-origin beliefs and values until experiences with others teach us how very different people and families are. Sometimes this new knowledge terrifies us because it threatens the system we have been operating within. In such a circumstance, differences mean a lack of safety, and feeling unsafe can put us on the offensive or the defensive, depending upon the habits we’ve learned from our family of origin.
As we age, if we are open to learning important life lessons we are increasingly tenderized and seasoned by our conflicts with others. Often we take most differences in our stride and are able to see from others’ points of view without becoming reactive. This calm approach to conflict is a great gift at home, in social situations, and in the work place because we can energetically step in to soothe an escalating conflict without emotionally intruding into a situation and risking further escalation.
I’ll use a family meal as an example, one with adult children and divorced parents present at a gathering – perhaps a birthday, christening, wedding, graduation, or funeral. Participants begin politely until one unhealed wound – it doesn’t matter whose – activates a chain reaction that has the potential to derail the purpose of the gathering and take all participants into undesirable or even destructive relationship mode. This is what people are referring to when they speak of being mature away from the family and rebellious teens or cowed and bullied children when home for a visit.
As a participant/observer in a conflict situation, we can subtly tap on our fingertips, or hold the back of one hand on the 9 Gamut (Triple Warmer) point, or Karate chop point. No one need know what it is we are doing and if we practice often enough – say while riding public transit, waiting in line at the co-op, or reading an article while our car is being repaired – we become very good at what might be called the private support of public good.
For example, in a group setting some time ago, a participant clearly carried safety issues from home into relationship with the unknown people in the group. Suspicious, critical, and impatient, this person altered the atmosphere of the gathering until people were afraid to contribute for fear of being attacked. Employing the practice of unobtrusively tapping on the hostile energies in order to facilitate a positive group process, I asked for a shift as I placed my left hand on my heart and my right hand, fingers curled inward, on its 9 Gamut point. The group’s energies shifted into positive and empathetic relationship very quickly.
In my process on that occasion, I first sent out the silent message, “Peace serves our higher purpose and all conflicts resolve effortlessly,” as I brought my left hand to my heart and held the 9 Gamut point with my right. This is a very easy technique to master and looks entirely ordinary to any observer. As soon as I felt a shift, I took my hands to my sides and closed the loop between my thumb and baby fingers (lung, heart, and small intestine meridians) as I thought with absolute confidence,”This gathering is a blessing to all who attend.” Watching the clock, I noticed the energy shift about a minute after I’d completed this harmonizing meditation using the principles of EFT.
One of the worst feelings in the world is to stand by helplessly while some negative emotion or thought pattern hi-jacks a meeting or family event whose positive outcome is vital to everyone involved. With EFT, we need never feel like helpless bystanders in such situations. The potential for unobtrusive harmonizing that is in everyone’s highest good, is always in our hearts, minds, and hands.
Until next week
Jane